The dreaded 2ww (two week wait). Well, that’s what we thought, two weeks until I got my blood drawn to measure that HCG hormone in my blood stream, the fate of the “transfer”. Turns out, as I was laying on the table post transfer, doc says he will see me next Thursday for my beta (another word for this HCG blood draw)! Nine days and we would know! We decided to keep that to ourselves. We don’t get any of that fun stuff when you get to surprise your family and friends with the news that “IM PREGNANT”, nope all that goes straight out the window, especially when we have decided to be so open and share our journey with everyone. So, we thought maybe this would possibly be a way we could get some of that back, our families thought our test was a whole week later.
I slept for three days straight it felt like, a lazy bum I was. My transfer was on a Tuesday and by Friday I was ready to move and shower! By Sunday I had some super, super light spotting and most people would freak out (TMI for some of you, sorry), my stomach dropped for a second and then I thought “YESSSS implantation”! Every day following I was nap ready by 2 or 3pm, like couldn’t keep my eyes open, could fall asleep anywhere, so I did, I napped. Hard. Thursday morning was here, take my blood and then the wait. I tried so hard to stay busy, but I couldn’t do anything. They don’t call until close to the end of the day. I did make it to the grocery store and when I was pulling back into the driveway they called. “It worked.” “You’re pregnant.” I have no clue what she said, but I asked what my beta number was, I don’t think she was expecting me to ask, most people don’t even know what the numbers mean. I do. 35 she said, and my heart sunk. She told me not to worry, keep my meds the same, and we will test again Monday. I ran to my bathroom and peed on a stick, just for the simple fact that I knew it was going to be positive.
HCG, human chorionic gonadotropin, the hormone that measures pregnancy. This number needs to double or more within a 48 hour period. They like to see numbers closer to 100 on the first beta. We decided to go ahead and tell our parents and my brother that weekend. It still didn’t feel real, I wasn’t really having any symptoms like the last few times, other than being really exhausted all the time. Oh and sugar, lots of sugar. My focus was on Monday and those damn numbers better have doubled twice. Boom 243! 100 over what we were looking for. I was to come back a week later and do another blood draw and ultrasound to see the sack, and if one or both of the embryos took. We decided that Danny would miss that appointment and be there two weeks after for the heartbeat ultrasound. A week later I was back and my numbers were skyrocketing, 2474. And the sack was clear as day, one little one all by itself.
So, with IVF you’re a little farther along in your pregnancy than when you actually transferred. That little embryo was created before it was inside, so even though we transferred on January 31, I was kind of already pregnant a week or so. We started to get excited and told a few close friends and some of my clients. Its hard to lie and make up stuff when people out right ask you or send you messages out of the blue. Once we saw the sack, and I made it past 5 weeks I was starting to feel a little more confident. I’ve never made it to 5 weeks. I knew we still had one more hurdle to jump over, the heartbeat scan. I kept saying I was “hesitantly excited”, I guess it was my way of not getting too attached or excited. It was weird even saying “I’m pregnant” out loud, it just didn’t feel real. Until about week 7 (very end of February, beginning of March), the morning sickness, or I should say all day sickness, kicked in full force. But, only for a few days and I learned how to get rid of it, eat! I hadn’t had much of an appetite throughout the first few weeks, I actually lost 10 pounds.
Monday was here, I was really nervous, but I didn’t think much of it. Danny went with me that day, and my friend I hadn’t seen in 12 years from beauty school had an appointment right around the same time that morning at my office. I’ve been super excited for her to switch to my amazing doc, she’s had a hell of a time with the office she’d been with and I’m excited for her to try something new with some success hopefully! We wished them luck and in we went.
I updated the nurse on how I was feeling and she left the room so I could change. Her and the doc came back in and started the ultrasound. It was quiet for too long and I knew something wasn’t right. No heartbeat. I was 7 weeks 4 days by that point and heartbeat should start around week 6. The fetal pole was about a week behind, so the fetus stopped growing about a week before that. Danny just kept saying, “We’re going to try again.” Yes we are husband, yes we are!
We met with the doctor after and discussed what to do next. Because of my insurance, and he didn’t want us paying out of pocket anymore, he advised us to get another look with my OB/gyn just to make sure. I was looking at a D&C, he said it is called a “missed abortion”. It’s when the fetus has stopped growing but your body hasn’t recognized it yet and hasn’t passed it (miscarrying).
The next day Kaiser got us in for an emergency ultrasound appointment. They saw the same thing, said I was measuring about 6 weeks 4 days. She recommended that we just wait another week, it cant hurt. If everything is still the same then they can do a D&C or this pill to force a miscarriage. The D&C sucks, but the benefit of doing it would be that it assures everything is gone out of the uterus, and they can test the tissue for any chromosomal abnormalities. We chose to get all of our embryos tested for chromosomal abnormalities because it lessens the chance of miscarrying. With a miscarriage the body can sometimes not shed everything and then they would have to go in anyways and do a scope, then D&C.
A full day back to work was actually a relief. I was getting color mixed for my last client and in walks Danny around 3:30 with a bag of peanut butter M&M’s. He never takes time off work and he had already taken off Monday and Tuesday and then left early Wednesday to take me to dinner, he also forgot I wouldn’t be done with work until 5 haha. Dinner was amazing. About an hour after I fell asleep I woke up, 11:45 and started the beginning of a very long night. I threw up for almost 7 hours and couldn’t see straight. I was so sick, I couldn’t decide whether it was food poisoning or the flu. Whatever it was, was horrible! I kept Danny up all night, he tried sleeping in the guest room and couldn’t. He had to call into work again, and we both finally slept a little that morning. By that night I was starting to feel a little better but still couldn’t eat.
A whole day of sleep was exactly what I needed. My entire body hurt so bad from throwing up, laughing hurt. Danny got home and for some reason we started laughing, he thought it was even funnier that it hurt me to do so. A little while later I started spotting, my heart sunk, I was holding on to a tiny glimmer of somehow a little miracle happening.
Danny had to go to start a fun little side job Saturday morning, but we knew we had to go into the emergency room when he got home. I have a negative blood type and whenever you are pregnant, or miscarrying, or anytime there is bleeding during a pregnancy you need to get a Rhogam injection within 72 hours of bleeding. So in we went at 3pm, they were quick to get me back to draw blood and get my vitals, then we sat for 3 hours. I finally went up to check with the nurse and all of a sudden they pulled me straight back for an ultrasound. I explained to the tech what was going on and he said, “I think I saw a heartbeat.” I tried to stay calm. Then when he did the internal ultrasound he didn’t see it. Thanks a lot dude! Around 8pm they finally called me back to get the injection and told me to follow up with my appointment I already had a few days later.
I had rescheduled all my clients from Friday to Monday, then had to move them from Monday again to Wednesday. I just wasn’t feeling good and had some pretty bad cramping. Tuesday was supposed to be my appointment but I called and we decided to move it to Friday since nothing major had passed yet. Mid day came around and I had some pretty significant tissue pass and I thought it was the end of it all.
Back to the doctors I went thinking this would all be over, but I knew something wasn’t right. We did an ultrasound and I was shocked, it was still there! It was no longer in my uterus though, it has moved its way down into the cervix. He was pretty persistent about scheduling me for a D&C that evening but I just really didn’t want to. I’m not sure exactly why, but I know that I’m sick of being poked at, its just gotten really fucking annoying! He said that it should make its way out within a day or so, I figured if I’ve gotten this far, what’s a few more days? He then came back and offered to do this pill insert that helps force it along, yes please, I’ll be going now.
We cancelled our plans for the evening, I wasn’t feeling much, but we decided it was best to stay in and wait around. I enjoyed a few glasses of wine, five, five glasses of wine. I slept like a baby last night!
Currently, its noon, Danny is at his fun little side job, I am still in my pajamas hanging out with the dogs. We are having a few friends, neighbors and my brother and girlfriend over tonight for tacos (so Irish of us), probably exactly what we need right now, tacos make everything better!
We’re not exactly sure what our next plan of attack is, but this wont stop us. We have 5 healthy little frozen embryos left waiting for us. We just will wait and see when my body is all done with this and ready for the next round. Pregnancy rates are higher after a miscarriage 😉